Brenna "Enkosi, beautiful Cape Town"

I can’t believe the time has come for us to leave South Africa. I am not ready to say goodbye; things are just starting to come together with the environmental clubs, I am just starting to form deep relationships with the people I’ve met here and I am learning more and more with every day. Until I come back, I will hold on tightly to all the memories I have of Cape Town. In the country of Ubuntu, this experience and all the beautiful people I have met will be with me forever- with every day decision I make, with every thought I have and with every ounce of I love I try to spread in hopes of drowning out the oppression that still exists in this world. My soul has been warmed and enlightened by the people of South Africa and I will forever be in debt to them. The only way I know to repay them is to continue to love and learn in hopes of making this world better. My consciousness of humanity has exponentially expanded since being here and I will apply that greater understanding to all the work I do in the future.

There is so much more I want to say about being here but I cannot put into words all that has happened to me. Seeing the disparities of not only in wealth but in treatment of humans here has angered me to the core, and I am departing feeling more confused than ever over this dehumanization. The most fulfilling understanding I have gained since being here is that different life experiences is only a façade- race, class, gender or any other superficial construction of segregation means nothing to me. People are people and everywhere I go I will find beautiful humans who I connect with honestly and deeply. I am leaving feeling unfinished, there is so much more to be done here – the only content I leave with is knowing that this unsettled feeling will motivate me to work harder and stronger towards making this world a just and equal place – the work I do anywhere will not be done until this world is one ruled by compassion, peace and people instead of money, greed and selfishness. Enkosi, beautiful Cape Town for all that you and your people have done for me, I will work for the rest of my life to repay you.

Leanne, Brenna, Abongile

 

Brenna hit hard by harsh realities

Imagine having a pool of sewage overflow in your backyard. Everyday you live and breathe in the fumes around you. This is how several of the students from Lianna and my environmental club live. They stay in Cosovu, one of the most rundown sections of Philippi, where the only toilets accessible to them sit in a water bath of the overflowed sewage and garbage; and, what’s even worse, is that it’s normal for them. We asked them to show us around their community and point out some of the biggest environmental problems they face. As I stood there staring at this reality, I was overcome with the foul smell and I felt sick. I could barely stand it for the fifteen minutes we were in that area and they are in it everyday. They told me that during election season, government officials and candidates will come in, clean it up and promise that they will change it for good – but it never happens. They use the people for their vote and then leave them neglected once again. This happens over and over and over – my friends are used by their own people and then their lives are thrown out of consciousness just like that, as if they are some lifeless tool that’s no longer needed so it can just be discarded. Some of the students may think of it this w ay, some may not, but either way they still laughed and joked throughout the entire walk, guiding us with their bright spirits through the wreckage injustice leaves in its path. Before I came here this poverty was a distant idea, I knew I wanted to see it, though, and the materialization of it hits me hard. But even so, I have a house to go back to in the quiet, clean suburbs here and back in the U.S. I don’t live in it like my friends do.

Even outside of the townships, my friends still deal with the effects follow them. I’ve gone out with my black friends a couple times recently, and on both nights a discriminating event happened. On two separate occasions, a friend of mine left the club and then tried to come back in but was not allowed to for one reason or another, both of the excuses I know wouldn’t have used for me if I were in that position be it because of my race or gender. Why do people in positions of authority more often than not abuse their power instead of using it for good? The government knows how to exploit people just as the bouncers do. Almost everywhere I have gone here reeks of some facet of discrimination. I love this beautiful country and the wonderful people that live in it, but knowing that I am leaving it soon when its still ridden with such severe, harmful and exacerbating issues is something I do not think I will ever find a way to deal with. 

Brenna discovers an oasis

One night, I found my way into a hole in the wall lounge called Tagore’s - little did I know I was stepping into my own version of an oasis. Thirty people were condensed into two rooms that barely fit a couch as a three-person band jammed an eclectic mix of Afro-jazz on the tiniest stage in the corner. A crowd of mixed colors blended together as they moved to the music, enclosed by a circle of good conversation and laughter.  I immediately felt at ease amongst these beautiful, free-spirited souls and, of course, I started dancing.

I soon found out that the same place holds poetry readings on Monday nights and, given the love for poetry proudly passed down to me from my grandmother, I knew I had to go. The majority of the storytellers are Africans, so I was nervous that I would not be able to relate to what they were going to say – but not relate to other people? If I can’t relate to them then who can I relate to? Obviously, I was proven wrong.  Hearing these storytellers has changed my life; the passion stirred within them as they express themselves through their poems is not only inspiring, but it recognizes the bond between the performer and those listening through surfacing the commonalities of the human experience. Their stories put different words to my thoughts, which helps me make more sense of what I think and simultaneously comforts me in knowing that I am not alone in feeling this way. Quotes such as “love opens your consciousness”, “self-hate is a sickness and we must identify a sickness to find the cure” and “understanding is all we need” are among the many expressions I’ve encountered in this community that helped me understand myself and the world better. Each time the crowd claps or yells or responds to the words of another, it’s because all of us are familiar with what the person is expressing – this is what poetry and all forms of good art do, they find a way to bring people together through provoking from us feelings common to humanity. 

This week, the theme was “civilization and truth”, and one amazing woman expressed this in relation to her experience as a black South African. Her performance really touched my soul because she spoke about a lot of realities I have been noticing while here and have been trying to process. As much as South Africa preaches equality and progress, it does so under the rule of the wealthy, white class. Almost every time we’re in a restaurant, both in Cape Town and the ones we went to in Johannesburg, the typical situation is: a white person is the manager, perhaps a coloured person is the server, and the people working in the back are black. The same type of hierarchy is set up in other institutions, too, be it hotels, shops, or other organizations.  Sure, people aren’t legally discriminated against because of their skin color, but they still are subjected to holding only certain roles in society – a society that this beautiful poet noted she is supposed to be a part of but really, she is just something to be played rather than a respected player. This all reflects the reasoning behind the idea Steve Biko supported, Black Consciousness, which I read about for the non-fiction book Marita assigned in her class. It is not until black people (and other oppressed groups) take on significant responsibilities in society that they can be conscious, contributing members of the civilization – even though this is a civilization that was imposed on them in the first place, the poet made the excellent point that blacks were the first people that had to be “civilized” and yet now they’re not even part of the civilization they were “civilized” into – WHAT?! How does that make any sense?! It DOESN’T. Those who were oppressed under the apartheid regime were and still are just puppets of the society, filling the few positions that are made available to them. I understand that a society of such overt subjugation of people can’t change over night, hell, the same scenario exists in the U.S. and we are several decades past the Civil Rights movement, but it’s still something that people need to be conscious of so that it can be fixed. But how can such a deeply engrained problem be eradicated? I side with Biko in saying through conscientious empowerment – people need to KNOW what they are capable of and go get it for themselves, because the civilizations of the past and present prove that when it comes to justice, you can not always (almost NEVER, unfortunately) rely on other people to grant it for you.

This is only one of the many thought processes that going to Tagore’s has stimulated in me. I plan to go to Tagore’s every Monday for the rest of the trip and, on the last week, I want to perform my own poem. I am not a poet but, like I said, the root of poetry is about expression, and I have much of that to do.  The comfort I feel amongst these laughing, passionate strangers is a little intimidating but in the most inspiring and incredible way. With all the living and learning being done, I could not be happier to be in South Africa! 

Brenna focusing on hope

As from the poem I quoted in my last post, love has opened up my consciousness to what it means to sincerely enjoy what life offers with every moment. Being in South Africa has made me really think about all the love that I have in my life and that exists in this world – and I have gained such a deeper appreciation for every person who has been involved in bringing this to light for me. First, I know I’ve spoken about the beautiful spirit of the people in Cape Town before, but the same people continue to warm me as do the strangers I meet on a daily basis – all of the little things done evoke a happiness in me that makes me a better me. I cherish the times when I catch a co-worker dancing and singing to silence as he waits for the kettle to boil in the staff kitchen or when another hands me a list of Xhosa proverbs he typed up for me to enjoy, or when we all sit at a staff meeting and laugh together over 5 rand muffins. When the minibus caller starts dancing and singing to blasting techno music as another comes out from the convenience store with two bottles of soda and a handful of straws for all of us to share I was as touched as I was when that outspoken woman joined our minibus ride, offering cake to the driver and a light spirit to the passengers in exchange for being dropped off right at her doorstep. I think about all of the inspiring students I’ve met, too, who have a grown up in a world so different and harder than mine and yet powerfully turn that experience into the strength needed to improve their communities while also having fun. Everyone on my program, too, we are all sharing in and learning from this experience and becoming more awakened versions of ourselves, which has been so fulfilling. There are so many other little acts of kindness and warmth that I have experienced through these and many other people since being here, and all of it has transformed who I am forever.

Being here has also made me honestly realize all the love and support from back home, too. I have many family members and friends who are so sincerely excited to hear about every detail of my experience and how it’s affecting me. Each time one of my grandmothers asks me how I am doing and what I am learning I melt similarly as to when my parents tell me how much they love and miss me or one of my uncles tells me to stay safe and be smart and when my siblings and cousins give me sincere words of encouragement. It’s the same care I feel when the beautiful man I am currently and very deeply love with elatedly asks to hear about what I’ve been up to. However, as much as I am feeling the love more than ever, being in Cape Town has made me feel the other side of the dichotomy more than ever, too, and how hate and greed still continue to plague the world, unfairly obstructing so many from being able to experience this love of humanity I am so fortunate to enjoy.

About six weeks into my time here, I was sitting in on one of the afterschool programs SAEP holds for students at a senior secondary school. Each student came to the front of the class to explain the bag she or he decorated with various pictures and words that represented themselves. I was so inspired by hearing these learners, they are so aware of themselves and have some of the biggest dreams I’ve ever heard – becoming doctors, engineers, entertainers; everything and anything imaginable they want to be. I was overcome with joy over these aspirations until the dark cloud of reality quickly overcast the brightness. The truth is, many, if not all, of the dreams of these students will never be attained, and the most grimacing part about it is that it comes at no fault of their own. Their schools are severely underfunded, the work of all involved is unappreciated, and the creative, beautiful ideas of these students are neglected. And all I could do in that moment was ask myself why? I was sitting in a classroom with rickety chairs, broken desks, and little evidence of any of educational resources I remember having in the classrooms I was in when I was that age – but all that is insignificant to knowing that in that same classroom were some of the most inspirational people I have ever encountered, but soon, if not already, they will be broken, too. Lack of education, necessities and access to opportunity forms the brick wall of social and institutional oppression that will stop these students, and billions of people worldwide, from accomplishing their dreams. With all the happiness and joy I have for life, I just cannot handle this reality and no one else should, either, but so many do and that’s why our world is ridden with injustice and inequality. I explored the Philippi and Nyanga townships recently with a friend from work, and the same reality sunk into me as I walked around and then talked at a shebeen with two locals, who were so enthusiastic about changing the world, but have been stuck doing nothing since graduating secondary school.  It was easy for me to say to them, “Well just go out and do it! Find something!” and as much I do believe in making what you want for yourself, I cannot understand the difficulties they face in trying to do so – would I be able to do it if I lived in their shoes? I believe enough in myself to say yes, but that is very much a product of my experiences, so, really, I don’t know – and it scares me to say that because that means that things may not get better soon.

On my way to volunteer at a church in Nyanga, I talked to two little boys, each no older than five years old. I greeted them with a smile and a “Molo!” and they returned the gesture and asked my name, we exchanged them and I told one that I really liked his bracelet. As I said bye and turned to walk away, I heard a “Here!” and looked back to see the boy holding his bracelet out to me and saying “You can have it!” with the biggest, sincerest grin on his face. I know it’s only a bracelet, but the genuineness that came out of such a young heart moved me so deeply. And it is this genuine love from human to human that oppressive systems break. I will cherish the bracelet forever and each time I look at it I will hope that his spirit has not been broken. I have to believe that this love will prevail and things will get better for everyone. Any one striving for social justice needs to focus on hope while recognizing these harsh realities because that is the only way that some day, all of our dreams will be achieved. 

Brenna putting a face on racism

Brenna second from right

About a month ago, I was at an event in which I was the only foreigner in a group to talk about the effects the South African government has on local communities. Having the least experience with the topic, I was excited to listen to what the community members had to say, so when they persistently told me to be the representative for the group I was taken aback. Why me? I knew the least about what was being discussed. I had to decline several times and strongly encourage another woman to take my place before being relieved of the job. A couple weeks later, a student from one of the high school classes I hiked with gave me back the shorts I loaned her and, as she did so, she emphatically said, “ My Mom was so happy for me to wear a white girl’s shorts!”; I told her I knew she’d do the same for me, but the comment she made didn’t sit well in my stomach- what did she mean? Recently, I had a conversation in which a man from Khayelitsha, the largest township in Cape Town, told me “If you see white people in the township, you know they’re foreign”; I later asked a white South African about this comment and he disappointingly agreed with it’s truth. As I think more about these events – and several more that have happened to me – I see how they are linked. Separately and together these experiences express how white supremacy is so engrained into society here and on a global scale that it disconnects people and disengages individuals from being empowered people who recognize their potential to effect much needed change.

Before coming here, I did not put a face to racism. I knew the oppression was real but I conceptualized it only in the institutionalized sense, concentrating on the flaws of societal systems that disable coloured and black people from access to what they need to be contributing civilians. Experiencing these incidents, hearing the inspiring Sharielle (thank you!) talk about her experiences and discussing related topics in class has finally made me realize the effects of racism beyond the subjugated communities to the individuals within them. Now, I can put not one but several faces to the heartbreaking disempowerment caused by prevailing racist ideologies. I see the inferiority complex that rests in the eyes of beautiful people I meet and how it impacts them and it angers me deeply– they are defeated before they can hope, before they understand how worth it is for them to find what they believe in and stand up for themselves. Every person in this world has the capacity to be who he or she wants to be to better the world, but racism imposes an illusion of hierarchy that squashes individual hope and transports power into the hands of a unrepresentative, mostly selfish minority of people. I know I can’t eradicate this oppression or any oppression on my own, so I need to do my best to do the little bit of good I can to challenge it and encourage others recognize their capabilities so that they can challenge it, too.

As these pieces fall into place, I am questioning my interactions more. Lianna and I are finally in the swing of our environmental after school program and I can’t help but wonder what the learners think of themselves and of me. I want to be an encouraging resource for the learners to use to embrace their own strengths and abilities by solving their own problems because that is who their community, South Africa and this world needs most – confident people able to pursue passion and make a difference; like the dancers we saw at the breakdancing/krumping show, their talent inspired every one in the audience because we saw people believing in themselves enough to do what they truly loved. I wonder how I can break down these arbitrary, insignificant barriers that separate us to connect with them, find with them the commonality of our humanity so they know they have the potential to do as much with their lives as I can with mine, and that we can work together to create a more equal world. There are so many beautiful, capable souls out there who deserve to know the value of their lives is equal to that of everyone else, it is only until we universally recognize this that peace, justice and love can be widely achieved

Brenna's challenging questions through the joys and the sorrows

Lianna & Brenna

The dichotomy of being here has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. Some days, I feel as though I am on top of the world – nothing can stop me from enjoying every moment I spend in this inspiring country. On other days, the evidence of oppression lingering throughout the city sinks into my soul and weighs me down.  Seesawing between these two transcending realities evokes within me an intense spectrum of emotion that I have never been so intimate with, especially so consistently within such a short period of time.

So much has happened since my last post. I’ve been at my internship for four weeks now and as I get more comfortable with SAEP being there becomes more and more rewarding. Forging new relationships with a group of warm-hearted, motivated people is so exciting. Lianna and I will finally be doing our environmental afterschool program in three schools in Philippi, and I am so looking forward to really getting to know the learners. I’m also getting closer with everyone on the trip, which is so fulfilling. Between internships, classes and every day experiences we are learning so much here and sharing it with one another; I love exchanging thoughts and ideas with my “co-educators”! We’ve all been trying to get to know locals, too, who have so much to say. Every day I learn something new about South African people and culture, which enlightens my perspective not only on local but global social issues. Being exposed to such a diverse community of individuals every day is exactly what I wanted out of coming here and the experience has made me think, learn and feel more than I ever imagined.

With this sincere excitement comes genuine despair and anger. With the more I learn, the more I know about harsh realities that plague so many people. Oppression and all the indirect effects of it have never been so consistently and bluntly in my face as they are here. More than half the people that I see on a regular basis live in extreme poverty and have grown up being normalized to various forms of subjugation. Between recognizing this and applying it to what I’m learning in classes, whose topics are so perfectly linked to the experiences we go through here, I realize how deeply embedded oppression is into historical and modern times, which overwhelms me with desperation. How did the world become this unfair when it doesn’t have to be? In Marita’s class, we watched a movie called Race: The Power of an Illusion, which illustrates how racism is an arbitrary social construct that came to fruition because a series of megalomaniacs decided that adding significance to a meaningless biological trait was the best way for people like them to succeed. Being exposed to this in class and then seeing the pervasiveness of racism in Cape Town has been mind-blowing. What I am seeing here mirrors what goes on in the rest of the country and world with varying issues, and I hate that so much injustice comes out of such meaningless norms.

Sometimes, I can drive through the townships and informal settlements and disregard the anger because I want to enjoy and celebrate the beautiful people who live there; but other times, my heart breaks to see the conditions in which my sissies and bhutis live. As challenging as this binary of realities is, these are the perspectives through which I know I will live the rest of my life. I want to know the beauty of it all while also sharing in the pain, so that I can do my part in making this world better. With all that said, there is no doubt in my mind that Cape Town is the perfect place for me to be right now.

Vernon & Brenna dancing at Blue Chip

Brenna's loving and learning through the tears

Ahh so much has already happened! I’ve cried a couple more times, of course. What has been most challenging for me recently is figuring out and coming to terms with what my role is here. It’s been really hard to differentiate all that I want to do with what I can do.  I want to buy something from every street vendor I see to support him or her, I want to tell every one  I see who struggles with a smile that they are beautiful and their strength inspiring, I want to learn everything I can about each Capetonian I meet, and, most of all, I want to change Cape Town into a city free of racism, sexism, ageism, homophobia, xenophobia and all other forms of oppression, so that the beautiful people can live free.

But, obviously, I can’t do that and, it’s not my responsibility to do that. At both the Baptist Church and the Minstral Carnival I took in the people surrounding me;  such spirit and strength resounded from these people who spend their lives in townships. I understand that I will never know nor feel what their lives have been like, it’s a reality that sits heavy in my heart. However, what I can do is learn and appreciate the knowledge they share. My favorite sticker on my laptop case says, “All people are created equal members of ONE HUMAN FAMILY”, which I love reading because it reiterates to me that the world is filled with my brothers and sisters, but we can’t deny that we come from different places, so we must meet in the middle and bring to the table what our life experiences have prepared us with. I in no way am saying this to maintain the segregation that pervades this city and the world, on the contrary, I say this to emphasize the need for diversity and inclusion in the struggle towards a just and equal world. To do so, I need to recognize what my role is and the capacity of what I can do while in this city which, I now believe, is simply to love and learn.

Leanne, Kayla, & Brenna

Vernon told us on the first day of his class; “there is a wave here in Cape Town, just ride it”, which is exactly what I needed to hear. My role is to appreciate and understand the beauty that’s in this city so that I find my place within our universal struggle.  I am not here to change anything at my internship or in this city, that is what Capetonians are best equipped for and so admirably do every day of their lives – what I am here to change, is me. 

Brenna moved to tears

If you are reading this blog, you’re choosing to share in the experience each of us is having here. That being so, there’s something you need to know about me – I cry… a lot. Not necessarily because I think everything in the world is sad, it’s quite the opposite, actually – most of my tears come after seeing or experiencing something beautiful that makes me feel such a deep sense of happiness and appreciation that the only way I can express myself is to cry. I have come to terms with this quirk, which is why I am not surprised that I’ve cried at least eight times since being in Cape Town- that’s just how powerful the spirit of this city is.  

Although so new to me, Cape Town comforts me. First, through its landscape. Even with the hectic schedule we’ve been on in the past two weeks, it is impossible to avoid taking time to stop and appreciate the surroundings. Any description I could offer would not do justice to what I see everyday, all I know is that when I stop to take it all in, the combination of mountains, ocean breeze and sunshine moves me.

The true beauty of this area, however, manifests in its people. Each Capetonian exposes me to a new perspective and understanding of this city, all of which share a similar passion for the their home. I am constantly being warmed and inspired by the compassion Capetonians have for not just their fellow community members, but their fellow humans. I first felt the connectednes at Esme and Vernon’s Braai; the whole crew held hands around the meal as Vernon welcomed us into his family and the Cape Town community. I was overwhelmed with how much love and security I felt in a circle of strangers and by the time they sang “Happy Birthday” to me, that was  the breaking point… the tears inevitably came. Since then, I’ve seen how freely children run around the streets and how willing people are to help us with directions or advice about the city; I’ve seen people unjustly sequestered into townships smile and give a thumbs up at us as we drive by them in huge, expensive bus. The most emotional experience so far, however, was the service at the Baptist Church in Guguletu. The empowerment of these people and their willingness to share their passion with us strangers immediately melted my heart - by the time they sang Happy Birthday to Susie, Teddy and me, my eyes were already slightly swollen from the sobfest I didn’t even try to stop. The power of extensive community in this city is unlike any I’ve felt before.

I know Cape Town isn’t perfect, that is why we’re all here. However, I can’t help but be overwhelmed by the loving and inspiring community of individuals I have met thus far from coming on this trip.  The students, staff and Capetonians I have encountered have become such a part of who I am already, I can’t believe it’s only been two weeks! But then again, I should know not to expect any less in the land of Ubuntu ☺

Brenna looks forward to a unique & well-rounded opportunity

As I looked into and talked to past students about studying abroad in Cape Town, I began to invest in being admitted into the program. I tried to remain as rational as possible and did a fair job up until I found out that I was accepted – since then, I have not been able to contain my sincere excitement. There are many elements contributing to why I am looking forward to this experience, most of which are difficult to articulate. I have never spent a significant amount of time outside the U.S., and the collaborative internship and classroom experience of this program allows a unique and well-rounded opportunity to make the most out of our time on a different continent. As I learn and forge relationships with new people in a cultural context I have never been in before, I anticipate the transformative personal growth I yearn for. The people I am taking this adventure with are just as beautiful as the setting we’ll be in; that said, I can’t wait for a life-changing Cape Town experience!