Dana wondering how to act on all she's learned

It’s finally getting down to the wire! Luckily I have an extra week in South Africa to spend with my family, but going home is still all too close for comfort. Although I’m sad, I would say that the emotion that I was rather surprised to feel is nervous. I put my finger on exactly why I feel nervous, but I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I don’t know what to expect when I return home. I’m scared that although I feel so passionate about changing the countless thing’s I’ve learned that are wrong with not only South Africa or the US, but the world, that I’ll remain idol. Here and now, it seems close to impossible to think that this would happen, but I have a small pit in my stomach when I try to speculate what it is I will do with everything I’ve gotten out of being here when I return home.

I know everyone is harboring the feeling of frustration with the uncertainty of exactly what it is we can do to combat things like racism, sexism, ageism, and other “isms,” but I’ve been noticeably more affected by this feeling within the past week. I think it is most likely because I am slowly approaching my return home, into the environment that I so easily lived for so long oblivious to the extent that these institutions have affected humanity. The saying is so true that what you don’t know won’t hurt you, and that it’s almost easier not knowing because then you don’t have to care. I’m nervous that because I know what it’s like to live in my town, surrounded by upper-middle class, white, educated people and enjoy the feeling of being free of analyzing exactly how my town got that way, that I will so easily fall back into the cycle of being inactive and oblivious. I’m nervous that because the inequalities of institutions such as racism are not as in my face as they are here, that I will slowly lose the passion and concern that are currently making me want to do anything I can to make it right. I’m just nervous that I won’t do anything.

It may seem like an easy solution to just say that I won’t let that happen, but if I’ve learned anything here, it’s that the passion behind the work is what leads to the successes of active people. I’m nervous that I’ll lose the passion I have today.

Another root of my anxiousness is that I do not know what to expect when speaking with friends and family. I realize that most will not be as psyched to hear about my experience here as I would like them to be, simply because they didn’t live it themselves and cannot fully grasp the impact that some of the things I’ve experienced have had on me. My only hope is that I can get across enough of the ideas that I’ve learned without sounding as if I know everything there is to know about the world and the people in it.

Therefore, as anxious as I am about what will come of my amazing experiences here in South Africa, I am excited to see what I will do with them. Without tooting my own horn, I think as long as I act on them, I can do a whole lot. And for that, I can’t wait!